Musings of a Sassy Lady – Love is a choice

Real love isn’t just a euphoric, spontaneous feeling—it’s a deliberate choice—a plan to love each other for better and worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health.

Olatoye Omotolani Joy Ojo 

From my last post, you will recall I had mentioned K and I had dated for 9 years and I’m sure some may wonder what exactly we were doing dating that long. Well, come with me as I try to summarize the nine years on a blog post.

In the end, I only hope you’ll agree with me that love is a choice.

I was a young lady of 19, who was leaving home for the first time, yet, 50.5 Kilometers separated my home in Osogbo from my new hostel accommodation in Ile-Ife.

As a Jambito,  I was allocated the famous Mozambique hall, that was generally reserved for the freshers, as we were fondly called in Great Ife.  I had many hopes and aspirations when I left home, I planned to connect myself to the big wigs of my future, and so my focus was razor sharp and my eyes set straight.

I planned to create a circle of “brainees” or at least find my way into one. I had prepared my mind not to be the best in class academically, as I had imagined that social intelligence sold faster than intelligent quotient. I was ready to face the street and to ensure that I succeeded in it, no matter what came my way.

In just 3 months of resumption in the school, I found my way into the heart of the School’s coach for hand ball. He must have been so impressed to have included my name in the school’s official team and to recommend me for accommodation as a sport man in my second year. I think my being a southpaw really did this magic. He had once expressed this to me that I would be the unsuspected attacker or defender bringing the defense from a different angle. 

Within the same 3 months, I was in the process of joining the Kegite Club and was awaiting initiation, while, my drama practical rehearsal, where I was the director was also taking its toll on me. Yet, I was determined to manage all these moving parts and to move up the ladder or at least plant myself in the heart of those that will play important roles for the nation soon.

Don’t blame me for moving so fast. I had realized quite early that my father’s death, before my 9th birthday, only meant that my only means of accessing the proverbial silver spoon or at least foundational wealth was lost forever. Not even his 2:1 certificate in architectural design from the University of Nigeria could translate into anything for me!

Being the only child, who had moved from home to home or families to families since his death, nothing could reassure me of a bright future. So, I had come into school to fight for a better future for myself.

On the 15th day of March, just 10 days after our matriculation, I met the biggest distraction to my plans.

Little did I know that my fate was about to be sealed. The school’s mid-semester test timetable had just been released and Philosophy 101 was the first test on the schedule. We heard several unpleasant gist about the course that it scared me enough to start reading for it. Going to class that night, was all I needed to seal the deal with fate.

K’s admission to that great citadel of learning to study a degree in Law must have been widely celebrated among his homestead. He was later to tell me how he had waited for 5 years and even gone through the university’s pre-degree program, just because he insisted on studying Law.

Even getting a Language degree while awaiting admission from Unilag couldn’t even deter him. His many waits had naturally translated in his desire to excel academically. His pre-degree foundation gave him an edge and a better preparation for the academic journey.

I had visited my faculty buildings in search of a suitable class room on that faithful evening, with the desire to read all through the night.

It was around 1am when I suddenly heard a strange noise and everyone started running towards the stairs. By the time I managed to get to the stairs, I suffered a big shove that hurt and dislocated my arm.

We were to later realize that one of the students studying for the mid-semester test, had suffered a severe mental breakdown. Still in my pains, K was the guy who helped me up.

The funniest part was that, even though I was my class representative, and that English and Law students had 4 lectures in common, he claimed he hadn’t seen me before.

From that very evening, we begun the deliberate and intentional journey of choosing each other. He had walked me to my hostel that night and we exchanged contact. It was only the next day when I had gone home, that I was informed of the minor operation of correcting the dislocation.

The healing process took the rest of the semester, this literally meant that, I couldn’t use my right hand at all for 3 whole months.

From offering to be my other good hand, my cook, my wash man and my partner during midnight reading times, was how we metamorphosed into an inseparable friendship, from where we later became lovers and 9 years later we walked down the aisle.

You must have sensed my freeman nature from the story, what I didn’t say was how K was my direct opposite!

While I’m an extreme extrovert, K is extremely introverted. While I could barely stop talking, K must be spoken to before he would respond.

Leave K with his books, and all that would be left will be me. Loving K isn’t hard to do, he is a very kind soul, warm and a genuine friend who cared beyond words. He had been a friend without expecting anything in return when we initially met. K would split his provisions in two and brought one part to me. When I asked why, he replied that it was because I couldn’t cook.

K would always see the good in humanity, he believes you shouldn’t judge a person on the account of another. K had few friends and trust me; they could stand the test of time. I met K when I was creating a new identity for myself and K’s believe in humanity helped to sharpen mine.

Despite our very divergent views to issues and the difference in our response to situations, K chose me and I chose him.

It’s funny how we never made it a do-or-die affair. In our 200 level, we had discussed extensively about our plans for the future and we decided to wait for 8 years for each other or move on if nothing serious would happen afterwards.

Relocation, travels, further studies, more friends, more connections, businesses, jobs, family pressures, etc., all had come and none could separate us.

Someone asked K before we graduated, he wanted to know if K was never bored of being with just one person every time; K said he told him this person;

‘But she is also human, when I’m bored, she is also bored, so we kill our boredom together’.

And that is exactly what we do every time.

Having lived with K fully in matrimony for almost 3 years and seeing the tremendous success we are making of it, I have come to realize that we were quite intentional at building US. That we choose each other, made the journey easier.

The loyalty we share, the faith in each other, the choice of being responsible, the choice of believing in one another, the decision to support all of each other’s crazy dreams, the acceptance of each other’s family and friends, the moral, mental, financial, psychological, spiritual and all other forms of support we enjoy from each other, all formed the opinion that love is all about your choice.

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