What love did 

1996

I met Kadijah for the first time at the video club. We wanted to borrow the same movie and only one copy was available.

I noticed the way she looked at me when I entered the club, I was not sure any girl had ever looked at me that way. It was seductive, somewhat beautiful, even attractive and certainly irresistible.

I noticed she had 6 different novels by her side. I moved closer to discern the authors of the book and they were written by renowned authors like Jackie Collins, Daniel Steel, Sydney Sheldon and Stephen king. I glanced through the novels and showed some admiration.

We talked briefly about all sorts of novels and I encouraged her to take the movie instead while I waited until she was done watching it. She giggled and then moved closer. Her next words caused my heart to miss a beat.

“I don’t mind, we could watch the movie together” she whispered into my ear. I felt her breast slightly resting on my shoulders while she whispered those words. She thought she smelled really nice.

I accepted the proposal instantly.

“Come with a bottle of Miranda” she smiled.

I got to Kadijah’s place around 3pm after school hours and she was all alone. She lived with her sister. Her apartment was quite lovely and I remember seeing flowers everywhere; Hibiscus, Bush lily, African lily, Mountain aloes and all.

I remember asking her if her Sister’s husband was a Gardener.

She got elated immediately she set her eye on me and she rushed towards me offering me a bear hug. I instantly noticed she wasn’t wearing a bra as I could feel her breast bouncing on my chest as soft as a pillow but it had an organic effect on me.

After the hug she placed a kiss on me. I brought out the bottle of Miranda from my bag as a token and she collected it with a smile. She then took me into her room where I was dazed as her walls had several posters of Madonna, Yvonne Chaka Chaka, Diana Ross, Anita baker, Michael Bolton and others. With all the colorful posters on her walls, her room was not tidy. She however had lots of books carelessly lying around. They were books from Mills and Boon, Harlequin, Robert Ludlum, Stephen King and many authors that I had never come across or ever heard of. 

Kadijah lived books, loved books and she breath books.

“Books are my oxygen, without them I cannot breathe, I have no friends this are my friends and you” she said smiling at me.

She packed the books on her bed away and asked me to sit down. I did, but still marveled at how a girl’s life could be so much about books.

We talked more about books and movies and then she suddenly stood up.

“Come let’s go to the back yard” I followed her like a lost sheep.

At the backyard, three plastic chairs were already at the corner of the fence behind a mango tree, we took our seat, she thrust her hand somewhere close to the block at the edge of the fence and brought out an already opened pack of St Morris cigarette.

“ Do you smoke she asked?”

“No!” I replied.

“Then watch me smoke” she said smiling

I watched her tiny fingers draw out a stick of cigarette and she slipped it at the corner of lips lighting one end of it with a match. She then took a deep drag before puffing on it hard.

I watched in admiration loving the smell of the smoke and the way she delicately puffed after each drag had something classy about it. She suddenly looked more sophisticated than I imagined.

“Will you like to try?” she asked

“Yes” I nodded my head quickly before she changed her mind.

“Don’t drag it too much remember this is your first time and release the puff immediately as you can okay?

I nodded as I watched her take a heavy and long drag before she placed the cigarette in my hand. I took tiny puffs and quickly released some but I couldn’t escape the initial cough and dry throat that came with smoking for the first time.

She smoked two cigarette and I puffed thrice before we went back into her room.

Immediately we got back inside she locked her door from behind and started to remove her clothes.

I couldn’t see anything else in the room again, not even the books as everything became blurry except for her glistening skin. The melanin in her skin was reverberating in my heart, her breast was the fruit of life, she became the Eve and I became the Adam.

We made love!

We were still naked when she stood up to play Roxette – true colours on the CD player. I wanted the moment to last forever- the smell, the touch, the ecstasy, the pleasure, the affection, the beauty and all was too ravishing to have only for a moment

We made love again and then walked out into the backyard again, but this time naked, to light another cigarette. We smoked together. Exchanging one cigarette after a mouthful of smoke.

I watched her puff out the smoke in rings to my amusement and then we heard someone knocking at the gate that was when we became conscious that we were both stark naked.

We ran inside quickly as she wore her clothe super-fast and still sparing enough time to give me a French kiss.

“I am coming back shortly, let me check who is at the gate” she ran off.

She came back almost immediately.

“Someone just came to drop a message” she said while she removed her tee shirt

“Come let’s dance” she said holding my hands pulling me up to the floor.

She played Dona Lewis – “I love you always forever” and we danced jumping on the bed – free, naked and wild!

I was mad inside of me, I was crazy inside of me, a fire was burning inside of me and I really loved what was happening to me and the way I felt.

When I left Kadijah to go back home, it felt like I was floating in paradise.

The next day we met at the video club where I placed a neatly folded paper on her hand.

If what I feel for you is not love

Nothing is real

If this is not love

We are in the Hades

We are in Valhalla

We are in Orun-Apadi

 I love you

Long before I met you

She read through and smiled, she giggled, laughed and placed it on her chest and then she drew me close enough to place a wet kiss on my dry lips. It felt great.

Kadijah was one of a kind, she was three and a half years older than I was, but she was a girl far ahead of her age.

While most of us were still trying to figure out what we wanted from life, she had a clear vision of what she wanted and how she planned to get there.

She already learnt tailoring and fashion design for five years and even owned a sowing machine in the corner of the room.

She wanted to fly to Paris, Milan and Turkey to study fashion and fabrics. One side of her room was stacked with fashion magazines- Fashion, Teen Vogue, Bazaar, Scoop, Cutie, real girl real clothes, Jeans with A, Cosmopolitan, Bop and others. I saw most of these magazines for the first time in her room and some I still haven’t seen any till date.

We kept meeting in her house when we could, and if we couldn’t we met at the video club or rent-a-novel shop.

On the 5^th day while I was leaving her place, she stopped abruptly and gave me kiss on my forehead.

“I have something to tell you”

“What” I became anxious

“I am afraid is not so much of good news”

What is it just tell me” I became curious

I am going to Paris next Monday

“What?” I almost screamed

“But you never told me all along” I blurted out defensively.

“Yes, initially I thought it won’t matter and then now I realized it is the most difficult thing to do because I am really getting to like you”

“O my God! Just like that! What are you going to do in Paris?

“School”

I felt so heart broken and dejected. It was such a sad feeling.

“I am sorry but we met when I had to travel, but we can write, phone each other and I promise I will always come home to see you when I can”

“I don’t want you to go!” I whispered.

“Please try to understand” she pleaded.

I can’t understand! You just can’t leave now,  you can’t leave me like that. Who does that? Please don’t go please! Kadijah please, tell me you will think about it, tell me you will defer it!”

Kadijah started crying? I walked away!

The following Monday after school hours I ran over to Kadijah’s place. It was firmly locked.

I didn’t want to believe she had travelled. I sat down on the green grass beside the gate as tears gathered round my eyes. I told myself not to cry as I sat for about 45 minutes lost in memories of the times we shared together.

I then found my way to the book club with the hope to find her there. But she wasn’t there either.

I loafed around for about 10minutes before I finally summoned the energy to accept the bitter reality – she had left and the reality of her departure dawned on me.

At the video club I had a message waiting for me in a brown envelop.

Dearest Femi,

This is my address:

School Address

International fashion Academy

18-24 Quai de la Marne

75019 Paris, France

Hostel Address:

Place du Colonel Fabien, Paris, 75010

I have attached a CD collection of songs, listen to these songs and always think about me.

Tu me manques

je t’aime!

Yours, Kadijah.

My hands trembled as I held the CD in a firm grip until it broke in my hands. When I realized what had happened, I smashed the CD on the floor and walked out of the video club.

Nothing could describe the feeling. Absolutely Nothing!

Yet nothing could come close to describing the feeling that ran through my body one year later when I heard that my beloved Kadijah had died in Paris- of pneumonia!