SUIT Etiquette – unspoken rules for wearing your suit “A gentleman is one who puts
Some women are monsters. Some moms, aunties, sisters, and friends, will ask a woman to bear it, due to her financial incapacities, moral requirements, social standings of a woman, and so on. They will say “he is a provider, stay where your bread is buttered
How many will suffer mental horrors, and how many will be hospitalized? How many will die? When are we going to accept that this is on all of us?
Love relationships are beautiful. Marriage is lovely. Religion is enlightening. Power saves. Guns save lives. The problem is the people behind them. The flawed humans. The monsters. Some of us.
We must all come together to stem this dangerous slide into darkness. We know these monsters. At times, we are them. Let us be kind, empathetic, supportive, and considerate. Let us watch out for each other, and our lives, homes, and society will start to heal
I am a freelance writer, not an investigative journalist. I have not investigated Osinachi Nwachukwu’s matter, nor has the law stated for a fact that her husband caused her death. That being said, there is no smoke without fire, so I will use this incident to revisit a dark part of humanity.
The world is full of monsters.
Some men are monsters. A monster is not able to stop the abuse. A woman who wants to live must leave him. If lots of women leave him, he may change due to the dire consequences. An abuser abuses. They cannot stop. He will hit you again. Especially the inadequate man who cannot stand his successful partner, forgetting partners share everything! The same goes for the women who beat their husbands too. Women do more verbal and mental abuse, but yes, some women brutalize their men. I have seen too much in my short life. It’s usually men though.
When you abuse your wife physically or mentally, you are raising your son to be a monster, telling him its ok to mistreat who you claim to cherish, and you are conditioning your daughter to loathe you, seek escape, but also accept abuse as a way of life, hereby corrupting her knowledge of acceptable living standards and throwing her in a prison for life.
Some men who made parts of our culture and tradition are monsters. Culture and tradition are made up by men. Selfish manipulative men. The culture says to respect the husband no matter what. A wife leaving is stigmatized. She wants to mess around and frolic with men. Your mom and aunt went through it. It is nothing new.
Some laws of the land are made by monsters. Any case of human rights abuse should not be settled out of court. We all have the right to be treated well and to be safe in our homes and lives, and a right to be alive. But, the policeman beats his wife, the governor beats his wife, and the judge beats his wife. They will somehow side with the beater.
Some lawmakers are monsters. Apart from making the laws, breaking them, and not protecting lives from being lost, they take child brides at 10 years old, practice polygamy, can’t tolerate a cheating wife, talk of polyandry, and then cite religion and culture for human rights abuse.
Parts of our society are full of monsters. After every episode of abuse, the abuser will play to the people, on social media, he will bring bribes, display it openly, the society will say “he is sorry, accept the trip/honeymoon/car/jewellery, etc, he does love you!” The woman is pressured back into abuse. By the people she knows, loves, and trusts.
Some of our elders our monsters. They say “make it a private matter”, @marriage is tough”, “if only your mom told you what she went through!”, “do it for your children”, “keep his secrets”, “at least he provides”. They will tell the law they want to withdraw the case, and settle within the family. “Pami sile, ma pami s’ita!, like the Yoruba would say.
Some churches are full of monsters. The G.O. beats their spouse. The deacon too. We have heard of marriage counsellors who beat their spouses. They will use bible verses as excuses and say “there is nothing God cannot do!”. Yes, there is faith, but there is also common sense. Miracles happen but are the exception more than the rule. Prayer and fasting work, but may not soften a hardened heart. Why not jump off a cliff and say there is nothing God cannot do? The church, through monsters, appears to have unwittingly substituted faith for religion, and religion for culture.
I am a Christian, and can only site my religion as an example, please bear with me. I am not against the church, just against some members giving the church a bad name through their dastardly actions.
Apart from direct quotes from God and Jesus that will never change, the rest is mostly Arab culture from 7000 to 2000 years ago. How can those cultural laws and guides apply to life now? Women should be seen and not heard? That was written into the holy books by some men [monsters] who needed to control and manipulate women and others from thousands of years ago, and their sons today, are grateful for it. If women wrote the bible, it would be different. History is always from the perspective of the recorder. Only what God says is linked to faith, the rest is the old culture of some people. The church, unfortunately, harbors some monsters, who tell the woman to” bear it, pray and fast, divorce is not an option”. But, mental torture, injuries death is? Real Christians will always factor in what Jesus would do. Love and faith. There is no pain, abuse, violence, and death in love and faith.
Some women are monsters. Some moms, aunties, sisters, and friends, will ask a woman to bear it, due to her financial incapacities, moral requirements, social standings of a woman, and so on. They will say “he is a provider, stay where your bread is buttered”, rather than help groom young ladies to always be financially capable, to be able to contribute in marriage, live a better life, and be ready for any eventuality.
Part of History is a monster, by forgetting those who have died in this struggle and allowing humanity to normalize degradation, decadence, corruption of the human spirit, lack of empathy, and a general lack of consideration and love for our fellow humans.
Some humans are monsters. “What did you say to get him angry?” “Don’t provoke him”. ” You too, don’t argue with him!”. “You should understand your man by now, he is hot-tempered!”.
Most of us are monsters, for we do not out our friends, brothers, sons, and fathers, make laws that protect and value all life, we do not give proportional punishment to defaulters, we pay lip service on social media. For example, everyone is talking on social media, outing some men recently, but that’s where it ends, can NAPTIP, DSVRT, the law, and relevant agencies follow these online confessions and stories? By the end of the week, when a major celebrity is bringing the bar of morality lower on Social Media, will we not forget Osinachi Nwachukwu and all those affected by then and move on to the new trend?
What lasting thing is being done?
THE SOLUTION IS US. BE KIND. CARE. PROTECT. LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR!
You don’t need to know your neighbour, nor do you need your sister’s or friend’s permission. Influence people. Teach people. Be a good example. Love your spouse genuinely. Be a good dad. If things still get out of hand, call the authorities. Reach the Nigeria Police. Reach DVSRT. Reach NAPTIP. Reach the NGOs.
It is not as easy as that, right? How many homes or children will suffer, right? Okay, husband beats wife, eventually kills wife, or wife kills husband, then, the dead are buried, the killer is jailed for life or killed for killing someone else. Who takes care of the kids then? What home are we left with? Better both spouses are both alive. Report them. Separate them, before death or hospitalization, or mental torture.
You are in pain when you stub your toe by accident, why deliberately inflict pain that you can’t bear on another being? How do you think they feel?
If they were your mom, sister, cousin, auntie, would you allow someone else to do this to them?
Until we all agree, and by we, I mean the society, all humans, and the law, we aid and abet. We should bind together to condemn this act, promote human rights and deal with such matters with the importance and gravity it should carry.
Let the law browse social media, there are confessions all over, and bring the culprits to book.
Let’s us all show strong disapproval to all abusers we know or abuse we see.
Women, your life is most important. Go to the law and your family immediately. After you die, these in-laws will welcome the step-mom. The same applies to girlfriends too. You deserve to be treated like the princess that you are.
“He only beats me because he loves me and is only correcting me”. “If he doesn’t love me, he won’t correct (discipline) me!” Read that out loud. That is just wrong!
Monsters, search your souls, what if your woman could kill you if you “touch” her? What if she could hit harder? Stop this nonsense. Value life. What is the love you are professing? Love and violence are stark opposites.
Real men use words. Real men know their women are equal to them. Real men do what God would do.
About the Writer
Deji Sowunmi is a proud owner of glistening, glowing, beautiful dark caramel skin, sometimes a good husband; not so shabby a dad.
An architect, interior designer & decorator by day, and a lover and seeker of greatness for all mankind by night.
He is a lover, not a fighter, a hater of how rampant the degradation of culture, morals, decency, and humanity is, a committed community citizen, an ardent empathizer, and a keen general student of life.
Deji Sowunmi may not take himself so seriously but takes abuse of any form extremely seriously.
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