When we were Young Part 2 – by Abidemi Adebola “Sometimes our best love moments
“What is it about “NO means NO” that you all don’t understand?”
Hi there. This is the second part in 4-part series titled GEORGE FLOYD, VERA UWAILA OMOZUWA, SOCIETAL LIP SERVICE & LOVE– THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO SAVING HUMANITY FROM ITSELF.
The second topic, Vera Uwaila Omozuwa (Rape & Homicide), is a rather delicate, yet problematic one, but we must engage each other on the topic not withstanding.
And yes, I want to read from you too.
As you well know, rape is a delicate issue, I am a man, who has not been raped, but I have read a lot of sad accounts of rape, and spoken to a lot of women and some sensible men on rape. At every turn, I found that we all must understand this epidemic, and try all our best to stem, and change this evil tide.
I am sorry if anyone is offended by what they will read, but, it is a strong topic, we have to go strong on this one. Do understand that my mind is troubled on this matter. I am pouring my heart out, so you can do the same, and together, I hope we can find a lasting solution.
Please, I need your feedback on this one. Fill out the comments section, share this message. We can all give value and learn from each other.
In this post, we will discuss Vera Omozuwa, what rape is, a perception of rape, types of rape, rape statistics, and the effects of rape.
Okay then, let’s do this.
VERA UWAILA OMOZUWA
Like it happens in this destructive and cruel society of ours, we hardly can see a Cause to the end, to see change, before we move to other trends. That we could shift focus so easily from rape and Vera to “special packages”, a five-year-old in a bikini and #dontleaveme has been heartbreaking.
Vera’s parents have probably lost faith in humanity. Please read VERA OMOZUWA again
The Rape Cause suffered a setback, especially in momentum. Rape has been rampant all over the country. Yet, we appear unconcerned.
RAPE IS RAPE
Disturbing news circulated about the convenient blackmail of the pastor of the parish that she was violated and killed in. She cannot defend herself. No formal investigative report has been circulated, so I choose not to believe that story.
But, the rumor served its evil purpose. We blamed her, decided that blackmailers deserve horrible fates, and we moved on with our little lives. We are yet to confirm the said rumor.
The police made matters worse by investigating the death, but not the rape!
Well done, cruel world. Bravo.
This does not detract from the fact that she was violently raped and then butchered.
We must stay the course. She must not be just a statistic. She must trigger change. She had a right to life. She mattered.
WHAT IS RAPE?
Rape is a type of sexual assault usually involving sex or other forms of sexual penetration carried out against a person without that person’s consent.
The act may be carried out by physical force, coercion, abuse of authority, or against a person who is incapable of giving valid consent, such as one who is unconscious, incapacitated, has an intellectual disability, or is below the legal age of consent.
Rape is mostly motivated by the need to control someone by force. In that way, the rapist tries to hide/manage his insecurities.
Rape can be male on female, male on male, female on male or female on female.
We will address the most acute one. Male on female rape.
Rape is a severely damaging worldwide problem. Rape is illegal.
RAPE – MY PERCEPTION
I will attempt to imagine in my mind, what rape must feel like. I am a man, and may never grasp what rape feels like for a woman or girl, but we have to try to put ourselves in a victim/survivors’s shoes.
Not all men are rapists, but I need men to understand rape and women who have not experienced rape (I hope you never do). Rapists are monsters. Let us explore the scenario below…
Picture your school bully. He takes your money. He insults you. He takes your food. He chases after you. Catches you, beats you into submission. Goes ahead to pour sand in your mouth after beating you. The more you resist, the harder he hits you. Then, he pulls your pants down, violates your anus, person, soul, spirit, and body.
You struggle, he hits you more. He is so much stronger than you, such that, if you struggle one more time, the next punch may kill you. So, you just stay still, you take it, you survive. He does the same to others. He is gentle with some because they freeze, or they want to live, so, they don’t fight back. He is rough on others because they fought back. You will see him in school tomorrow, next week and next year. The shame. The fear.
Before you go to the teacher, he has told his gang he owns you, and the popular kids that he has had you. The story gets out.
You tell your story, no one believes you. You are weak from fighting so hard. The emotions, the sores, and the nightmares. You cannot eat. A horrible fate has befallen you. You withdraw. You cannot tell your teacher, counselor, best friend, parents, or religious guide. Fear, doubt, and Insecurity posses you. You are hurt. You got gonorrhea. You cannot sleep. You cannot think. The images in the mind are horrific. You even contemplate suicide to get away from it all.
Can you let that scenario settle? What a rape victim/survivor got through is usually worse. It is all about the after-effects.
Why would you not report it?
Why would you not fight it?
Why would you ache?
Why would you be ashamed?
Why would you be damaged?
Why would you be stigmatized and laughed at?
Why would you be in and out of urologists’ and gynecologists’ offices?
Why would you wish your life was over?
Why would this happen to you?
Is this your fault?
Why would anyone do this to you?
This would happen because rapists are monsters! They make your life a living hell just because they can. They make you feel all those horrible feelings and hurt because you are an object. They are evil and are aided by demons to get away with their evil acts.
Brothers, Sisters, Rapists, Monsters, this or worse is what happens to a rape victim/survivor.
Rapists, monsters, silent bystanders, corrupt police officers, terrible family members, this is what you have wrought. You are breeding dysfunctional and damaged sisters, daughters, girlfriends, wives, and women. Women make up half the population of the world. Thank you for basically ruining the world.
It is only and always the rapist’s fault.
TYPES OF RAPE
This type of rape happens between two people that know each other. Also known as “date rape” as the two people involved may be in a social relationship at the time. Some victims don’t recognize acquaintance rape as rape but it’s important to remember that consent for sexual activity can be revoked at any time and a prior relationship does not mean that rape cannot occur.
Two-out-of-three sexual assaults are committed by someone the victim knows.
At times thought of as date rape, is one of the most common types of rape. An existing sexual relationship does not mean you cannot be raped. For whatever reasons a lady says no, is her right, anything after no is rape. Force or coercion is wrong.
Also known as partner rape or marital rape is a type of rape involving a person’s partner or at times the previous partner.
Opportunistic rape is usually committed by a stranger(s), taking advantage of abandoned surroundings, darkness, or numbers. Usually violent, some stalking or tracking may have been involved. The victim may have been set up too.
Age of effective consent to sex is commonly set in most countries at between 14 and 18 years (though it is as low as 12 years in some countries).
Sex with a person below the age of consent is termed statutory rape, and consent is no longer relevant. It may also be with a person presumed to lack comprehension of the physical and other consequences of the act.
The term statutory rape may also refer to any kind of sexual assault committed against a person above the age of consent by an individual in a position of authority (e.g., employers, teachers, lecturers, clergy, doctors, and parents).
Diminished Capacity Rape
The type of rape is committed when one person forces sex on another person who cannot consent to the sex act. An example would be a person with an intellectual disability.
Incest is a type of rape dictated by the relationship between the two parties. When the two parties involved in the sex act are closely related (in other words, they are family), it is often rape. Examples of incest include Parents and children, Uncles and nieces or nephews, Aunts and nieces, or nephews.
Family members account for 7% of rapists.
Battering rape – involving both physical and sexual violence.
Force-only rape – involving the imposition of power and control over another.
Obsessive/Sadistic rape – involving torture and perverse sexual acts.
Exchange rape – rape occurring as the result of bargaining (especially in armed robberies).
Punitive rape – rape used to punish or discipline.
Theft rape – rape that happens when a woman or man is abducted, in most cases to be used as a slave or a prostitute.
Ceremonial rape – rape involving defloration rituals.
Status rape – rape resulting from differences in a hierarchy or social class.
Some types of rape are considered much more severe than others. For example, in the United States, any type of rape resulting in someone’s death is punishable by death.
However, it’s critical to remember that whatever form of rape takes; it is always the fault of the rapist and never the fault of the victim.
RAPE – THE STATISTICS
An estimated two million Nigerian women and girls are raped annually, according to Nigeria’s Minister of Women Affairs and Social Development, Dame Pauline Tallen, but few of these cases are reported.
UNICEF reported in 2015 that one in four girls and one in ten boys in Nigeria had experienced sexual violence before the age of 18. According to a survey by Positive Action for Treatment Access, over 31.4 percent of girls there said that their first sexual encounter had been raped or forced sex of some kind.
A rapist even contributed his statistics (he raped over 40 women in a year, including an 80-year-old woman!) Click here to read his story.
According to Amnesty International, police forces in Nigeria are reported to have perpetrated acts of rape and other sexual abuse against women, in public locations, or while women were transferred to police stations, or while women visited male detainees in police custody; and sometimes police used sexual violence to extract confessions and other information.
The numbers are horrible nationwide and globally.
RAPE – THE EFFECTS
The psychological motivations of rapists are more complex than was formerly thought. They may include the desire to punish, to gain revenge, to cause pain, to prove sexual prowess, and to control through fear.
The psychological reactions of victims of rape also vary but usually include feelings of shame, humiliation, confusion, fear, and rage. Victims often report a feeling of perpetual defilement, an inability to feel clean, an overwhelming sense of vulnerability, and a paralyzing feeling of lack of control over their lives. Many are haunted by the fear of the place, in which the crime occurred, or of being followed, or of all sexual relationships.
Others experience long-term disruption of sleep or eating patterns or an inability to function at work. The duration of the psychological trauma varies from individual to individual; many feel the effects for years, even with considerable supportive therapy.
Given the great psychological harm it causes, many psychologists regard rape as a form of torture—permanent mutilation of an individual’s life. In some societies, victims of rape face the danger of ostracism or even death at the hands of relatives seeking to preserve their family’s honour (victims of abduction without rape may be treated in the same way).
The trauma of being raped or sexually assaulted can be shattering, leaving you feeling scared, ashamed, and alone or plagued by nightmares, flashbacks, and other unpleasant memories.
The world doesn’t feel like a safe place anymore. You no longer trust others. You don’t even trust yourself. You may question your judgment, your self-worth, and even your sanity. You may blame yourself for what happened or believe that you’re “dirty” or “damaged goods.” Relationships feel dangerous, intimacy is impossible.
Frequently, victims may not recognize what happened to them was rape. Some may remain in denial for years afterwards. Confusion over whether or not their experience constitutes rape is typical, especially for victims of psychologically coerced rape.
Women may not identify their victimization as rape for many reasons such as feelings of shame, embarrassment, non-uniform legal definitions, reluctance to define the friend/partner as a rapist, or because they have internalized victim-blaming attitudes.
During the assault, a person will respond with fight, flight, freeze, friend (sometimes called fawn), or flop. Victims may react in ways they did not anticipate. After the rape, they may be uncomfortable or frustrated with and not understand their reactions.
Most victims respond by ‘freezing up’ or becoming compliant and cooperative during the rape. These are common survival responses of all mammals. This can confuse others and the person assaulted. An assumption is that someone being raped would call for help or struggle. A struggle would result in torn clothes or injuries.
Rapists, monsters, below are some of the damages caused after you have carried out your perverse acts;
Pelvic inflammatory disease
Vesicovaginal Fistula (VVF)
Acquiring sexually transmitted infections, including HIV/AIDS
Emotional distance of mother from a baby born of rape
Increased risk of suicide
Mortality from injuries
These are some of the terrible after-effects forced on by rapists.
This is the end of part one.
We shall continue our session in a few days.
About the Writer
Deji Sowunmi a proud owner of glistening, glowing, beautiful dark caramel skin, sometimes a good husband, not so shabby a dad.
An architect, interior designer & decorator by day, and a lover and seeker of greatness for all mankind by night.
He is a long-suffering, unapologetic arsenal fan who uses his club’s antics for high BP resistance training, a lover of the arts, and a general student of life.
Deji Sowunmi may not take himself so seriously but takes rape extremely seriously.
You can catch up on other articles by the same author –
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