Night Runs – chapter 3 – Raunchy

Chapter 3

Raunchy

It was 2am in the morning.

There’s a certain level of tiredness that equates to illness; Adio’s tired body was inching closer to breaking down, but his brain kept on going as if it was on some Olympian overthinking sprint.

He had worked three straight days, taking intermittent breaks for less than an hour, just to munch hungrily on stale bread and a dwarf bottle of soda. It was all he could afford to eat if he was going to meet his daily and weekly targets.

He was starting to feel malnourished, and he suspected his immunity had gone to the dogs. Still, he pushed himself, propped on his side by a small pillow snuggled in his drivers’ seat, to work into the early morning.

His conversation with Don was getting quite labored too. Adio imagined that his brain was not working to full capacity and therefore could not fuel Don’s smart talk.

“It is what it is.” was the single sentence and tagline that Don left on repeat play in his head.

This was going to be his last ride for the day; a thirty minutes’ drive from Ikoyi to Opebi and his next passengers were a couple.

He could tell this because he had just seen them standing in front of a busy and popular lounge, in each other’s embrace.

What was left, in respectable state, of the gentleman’s suit was his jacket that was cradled on his left arm. His previously white shirt now had the sleeves rolled up to his elbow and not only remained untucked from his trouser pants, but slightly disheveled.

“Interesting.” Don sneered.

Adio killed the car engine right in front of the lovebirds. They offered some polite goodbyes as they shook hands and shared warm embraces with friends that kept them company while they waited for Adio’s car to arrive.

Adio noticed that the man’s shirt was not only ruffled and wrinkled, but it was also smeared with brown stains from what could possibly be some of the make-up from his companion whose eyes looked like a slit.

Her face looked like it had different shades of brown, even in the pitch dark of the morning. But there was no missing her protruding breast as they poured out from the open cleavage of her short dress. Very little was left to the imagination, even her pointy nipples made a bold damning impression.

Adio looked closely at the couple. They had certainly caught his attention. He liked his women just like the lady. Slim, sexy with above average breasts size, but where on God’s green earth was he going to earn the money to afford such extravagance?

“Certainly not from this ride-hailing business.” he concluded.

The gentleman looked like he had trouble keeping his pants on his waist, perhaps it was too much trouble after he did the tinkle.

“Drinks and peeing are like one and two.” Adio shrugged it off.

They squeezed into the back seat and were surprisingly polite when they exchanged pleasantries with him.

“Good evening, oh its morning already.” And then they both giggled like high school teenagers.

“That your backseat has suffered. The last time it was that fat woman whose mouth was running like a loose faucet. The other time, it was the Rasta man with the fake English accent puking all over the place. I hope there isn’t drama lurking with these ones.” That was the meanest diatribe against his riders and the lengthiest words Don had stringed together in the last three days.

Adio disagreed in his head.

“I have had saner and calmer passengers all week, that is probably why you haven’t had much to say, Don.”

“You bet you have.”

At this time, Adio had started the journey and then suddenly realized that his passengers were very quiet, well except for some interesting slurpy noises that had him holding his breath so he could listen better.

When he peered through the inner mirror, he couldn’t see very much, no matter how hard he tried, it was all a dark blur.

The traffic was quite light, needing him to focus on the road lest he missed critical security hints.

But the noises got bolder, and it was starting to be a bother. Soft moans and loud slurpy sounds made from smacking lips were accompanied by giggles, mostly from the lady.

Adio knew he wouldn’t dare turn to look at his passengers as they threw caution to the wind. He simply didn’t have the boldness to.

“Action film! You sure you won’t join them and turn two into three?”

Adio looked into the inner mirror again in hope for a better view as he drove through the streets of Ikeja where the beam from the streetlights on both sides revealed everything lurking in the darkness.

The lady’s head was buried in the gentleman’s crotch. Now he understood the smacking and the slurping sounds. And most importantly, he thought he had just solved the mystery of the unzipped pants. Their romantic tryst definitely started way before he arrived to pick them up.

“Wonderful!” Adio didn’t know when the words escaped his mouth.

The noise was getting to dare as though they no longer cared if he was listening. This made him uncomfortable, and he decided he had to do something about it.

First, he plugged his ears with his old disused earpiece, just as he started to hear the ruffling of clothing.

“This is crazy bro. We should stop to watch.”

He took a quick detour, turning his Toyota corolla into a popular road where he was certain there would be policemen to pull him over at that time of the night.

Who would have thought that he could find a reason to seek their help, if only to disrupt the building energy before it transformed into a full-blown sex.

Soon he sighted the roadblock.

“These policemen are so predictable.”

“Police! Police!! Police!!!” He warned the couple when he was only a few meters away.

He was relieved to see the lady pull up her gown over her exposed cleavage while she scrabbled to cover her exposed laps with the supposed “gentleman’s” jacket.

The not so gentleman cleaned the spittle patch on his lips with the inside of his elbow as he struggled frantically to zip up his pants.

“Finally, the zipper works!” Don mocks.

Multiple flashlights beamed into the car for a few moments before one of the officers asked Adio for a tip.

“Officer I just dey close work.”

“Drop something.”

“Officer next time, I beg.” In his line of work, he had learned that when you call a lower ranking and non-commissioned policeman “officer”, it massaged their ego so much that they would very likely cut you some slack.

This officer cut him more than a slack, as he waved him on.

Relieved, Adio looked into the inner mirror again, but this time he saw two well-behaved adult passengers seated a few inches apart. And it remained so until they arrived at their destination – The Lovers Inn.

And boy, did he earn a generous tip!

“It is what it is.”

Adio’s tired was tired.

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