Teamwork in marriage & relationships – don’t be a liability

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That we are different means we are stronger together, possessing varied attributes, not that our differences should be a discriminatory divide.

Deji Sowunmi

Ladies and gentlemen, lovers of all ages, please yield your attention to me, for the next few minutes, because what you seek has found you.

Love is teamwork.

Teamwork means contribution together. In love, there are no rivals, only winners. Once this is your mindset, your spouse automatically becomes the most amazing person in the world, changing your love experience.

Because you do your part, you will appreciate what they do. If you don’t see their contribution, simply ask them respectfully, and appreciate them, then present what you contribute, ask them how you can contribute more and tell them politely how they can contribute more.

WHY YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO ME

I am a Certified Family Systems Engineer. My practice revolves around Family Life. I am a Love & Life Experience Architect. I help every individual I engage get the best out of their love and life experiences.

Today, I am here to address how to get the best out of your marriages or love relationships.

I belong to a network of Family Systems Engineering practitioners who study systems responsible for human development and how it affects the family and society at large.

This body defines marriage as the coming together of a male and a female from two different nations to create a new nation that supports the interest of all and whose culture gives our world rest.

When we say nations, we mean families. This is about the science of marriage and family life.

NO FAMILIES, NO SOCIETY, NO NATIONS

The most important nation on earth is family. The family is the production factory of the society. The primary aim of marriages is nation building. What the future will look like depends on what kind of individuals families are producing.

DOES MARRIAGE MEAN THE SAME TO US ALL?

Marriage is a system. A perfect system. It requires the male and female species of man coming together, reproduce, then groom and cultivate their offspring to optimize resources on earth, to give solutions and to progress humanity. Marriage as a system, is faultless.

THE VIRUS OF MARRIAGE

The humans in this system are a different story. They are varied. Your marriage is as good as your upbringing, environment, significant emotional experiences and the level of enlightenment at the disposal of your partner and you.

If you are not whole, how can you mould the nation you birth to support the earth and give the world solutions and rest?

 WITH PROPER MINDSET, THERE IS HOPE

In our single season, we are to find our identities, develop, evolve, and go into marriage and relationships being able to contribute positively to its growth.

The mindset we carry matters. We must go into marriage and relationships understanding we are in there to progress with another, to win with another, to multiply with another, to inspire another, to support another, to give rest to another.

You are on the same team. You can both win. Live and let live. You can learn from one another. That we are different means we are stronger together, possessing varied attributes, not that our differences should be a discriminatory divide.

PREREQUISITE FOR ENTERING RELATIONSHIPS & MARRIAGES

Only people who have discovered themselves, recognize their strengths and weaknesses and are honing their strengths and working on their weaknesses, should be in relationships or marriage. You must not be a liability to anyone. We all have our burdens, adding to another’s may capsize your ship.

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TYPICAL MARRIAGE EXPERIENCE

For instance, among typical couples who both stay at Ikeja and work at Lekki, we have some husbands who expect their wives to be up by 5am, clean the house, make breakfast for her man and their two children, probably different meals, bathe the children, prepare them for school, drop them at school, arrive late at her place of work, while her husband takes his food flask and goes to work. She then closes, endures Lagos traffic, rushes to pick up the children, do homework with them, get food ready for her husband, clean the house, do laundry, and still give her husband a happy ending at 11:30pm. A glorified slave in her home.

RELATIONSHIPS & MARRIAGES ARE POWERED BY LOVE – THERE IS NO DAMAGE IN LOVE

This is not submitting to your husband or what the culture or religion dictates. This is an early grave.

This is an inconsiderate husband. There must have been a point where love was professed between a couple, right?

Well, what you love, you cannot hurt, kill, lie against, abuse physically or mentally or emotionally.

You wife is human like you. What are you teaching your son? What woe will befall your daughter? Your wife is someone’s daughter.

LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH – HOW TO MANAGE A RELATIONSHIP & MARRIAGE

A family meeting sorts this. Bring your resources together, bring your strengths and weaknesses, bring your talents, and create a system that shares financial responsibilities, chores, making meals and all your family needs to run without killing anything in any spouse for the other to survive. Outsource what you cannot handle.

REMEMBER, YOU ONCE MANAGED YOUR LIFE ALONE, OR YOU SHOULD HAVE.

At a point in your life, you were single and lived by yourself. You managed your life.

Don’t be a burden, and your love and life experience will go towards bliss. Support each other.

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Our nation gains. Only wholesome people can give their best to others and to the progress of our world.

TYPICAL RELATIONSHIP EXPERIENCE

Another example, this time for singles, is a lady who requires a 6-foot-2-inch-tall, dark complexioned, handsome, God-fearing, 8-figure-earning 28-year-old to marry.

First of all, men that are 6 feet and above are about less than 10% of men, average height is much shorter. That criteria you created is about 2% of eligible men, that about 50% of our young women want to marry. Can you see where the problem is? Also, when you find them, they are upper class and they marry within their class.

I hear you – aim high, marry up, but if you are dating or marrying up, isn’t the poor gentleman dating or marrying down? Why must he suffer this same thing you look down on? What makes you entitled?

EXAMINE YOURSELF

What do you bring to the table besides your God-given/augmented good looks, like most of these ladies claim? What are your values? What are your skills? What do you know? How much do you earn? What is the value in you? What’s your plan beyond a soft life at your husband or sponsor’s expense? What will you contribute? What can be built with you?

BOTH GENDERS INDULGE

These two examples apply to the other gender in both scenarios.

IN CONCLUSION

Seek knowledge and enlightenment, evolves and grow before embarking on relationships and marriage.

Isn’t acceptance, understanding, respect and love (unconditional where possible), what you need first? Is someone you can build home and life with, not what you need? Grooming can be learnt.

What you need is more important than the package you want it in. What you want may not always available, but the packaging you want it in can always be secured.

For a king, there is a queen, and for a queen, a king. Give your partners rest, solutions and progress.

Do not be a liability.

 

 

Deji Sowunmi a proud owner of glistening, glowing, beautiful dark caramel skin, a proud citizen of Alkebulan.

He is sometimes a good husband, not so shabby a dad, a man always high of life and love.

Deji Architect, Interior Designer & Decorator, Critical Thinker & Listener and a Certified Family Life Practitioner by day, a seeker of greatness for all mankind by night.

His four cardinals of life are acceptance, understanding, respect and unconditional love.

Deji Sowunmi does not take himself so seriously, and you probably should not to either, but he takes love, relationships and marriage very seriously.

 

 

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8 thoughts on “Teamwork in marriage & relationships – don’t be a liability”

  1. You have said it all sir.
    If not for the teamwork, it will and can never work.
    Couples need to have same goal for relationships to work out

  2. A thoughtful and insightful writing on marriage dynamics.
    I will recommend it to b ead by the married and those preparing for marriage.

  3. A thoughtful and insightful writing on marriage dynamics.
    I will recommend it to be read by the married and those preparing for marriage.

  4. Understanding, respect, acceptance and unconditional love. The fear of God also helps us to treat people right. And like the writer said, ‘let people rest’ . True, let people rest!!

  5. This is very insightful and educative. I have been able to unlearn and learn . Thank you so much sir for this wonderful piece. Very informative to us.

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