Is fear holding you back?
April 11, 2024
In Nelson Mandela’s own words: “Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph
We are responsible for our own happiness.
I am sure you have heard many motivational speakers of our time say often that “happiness is a choice”
Trust me, I do not intend to debunk this because I agree completely. Whether you choose to remain happy or sad is entirely up to you.
If we live based on how others make us feel, we will always be at their mercy. And trust me, that isn’t good for anyone.
Many of us can’t even remember the last time we were genuinely happy. Happiness seem to be a vague concept redefined by everyone to manage their mental health.
Yes, we have been through so much in life that we have created our own pseudo-happiness, lacking the visceral excitement that accompanies the feeling. So much that we now “live” others happiness as our own. Not that this is bad in itself. But only suppresses the conflicting emotions but for a while.
We try to move past set backs (without really dealing with them) and then mask our sadness in fake smiles and feckless pretense. We binge watch movies, eat till we choke just to distract us from our sad moments.
In the end, we will live a listless life, empty and shallow, lacking in essence and fulfilment.
I think that happens because we try to run away from pain and want to get through set backs by skipping the process.
My perspective?
If you have suffered a heart break, please cry your eyes sore. Sob, wail and get over yourself. Don’t try to stifle it and bottle it up like it never happened.
Just like those months and years you devoted to loving someone, can’t be undone in just a few hours or days or even months, so you must pour out your heart.
The moment you have chosen to love someone, you should prepare to suffer pain. Its just the way nature balances things.
Again, its an opinion.
Would you then rather not love?
Remember that nothing good last forever and that everything must also be done in moderation.
If that “loving” is too good to be true, it’s probably isn’t real. Remember the moderation bit?
So, the choice to remain stuck in abject sadness is one that can never auger well. It’s the direct and fast lane to depression and other self-inflicted mental health crisis.
How about losing a beloved one – parent, sibling, best friend, lover or a boss -someone who was your emotional cover and balance, leaving you exposed and sad with grief.
You will have to move past it, but not before you have truly grieved.
Don’t pick up from where you left and pretend everything is good. Caging those emotions would only cause them to become more turbulent and tempestuous. Find help in professionals if you must, or take solace in something that makes you happy.
In the world we live in, where everything seems to happen pretty fast, if we look beyond the hustle and bustle, what would really keep us going is anything that makes us truly happy.
We are all in pursuit of happiness. Nothing else should matter unless it makes us happy.
Happiness is an inside job, yet we cannot rule out the place of others in our happiness. However we can not hinge our happiness on others!
So, whoever makes us happy deserves our time. Whatever makes us happy and truly passionate should keep us busy.
After all, we can’t all be in pursuit of sadness?
Some would even argue that we should be in pursuit of money… Lol.
Oh well… Ask those who have tons of money stashed everywhere yet still can’t find happiness?
Ever heard that money can’t buy happiness.
Guess what?
The pursuit of happiness is common to all humans. Whether rich or poor. The High and mighty or the meagerly poor and lowly. Even the Strong or the weak.
The search for happiness is our leveler. Keeps everyone grounded and rooted to the reality that what would make us happy are the things that contribute to helping humanity.
Do you know that when you are happy, your body releases “happy hormones” that help you stay healthy and give you the glow?
Genuine happiness come from fulfilment. This happens when you find something that genuinely makes you satisfied and creates a level of self-worth.
When the happy hormones are no longer in sufficient supply in the body, strange illnesses will take its place.
Please do not mistaken the glow and flush of after-sexual activity for happiness. Those are fleeting pleasures. They come with a flush and leave you craving for more. It can be addictive but is not the same as being happy.
When you are happy, the feeling last for longer. It oozes in your smile, your skin would have that unmistaken glow, your energy levels are raised, your voice tone is calm and relaxed and you will feel healthy and purposeful.
It’s a feeling that is complete and devoid of any sadness.
How then do you find this happiness that you long for?
– In what you are passionate about – look inwards.
What do you enjoy doing? Which activities make you feel purposeful and fulfilled?
Could it be in performing charitable works, helping others, building bridges (connecting people), painting, writing, speaking, sports, dancing or even singing?
How do you feel when you are done?
Do you replay the scenes over and over in your mind and feel great after every time you do?
Do you get invigorated to do more?
Do you seek for ways to impact better or improve your skills to help more people?
Your happiness and fulfilment isn’t far off then.
– Think back to when you remember yourself to be genuinely happy. What we’re you doing?
what did you do or participate in?
Take a moment. Just Think
…. What did you come up with?
Was it when you helped organized a party for a friend or worked on the interior decoration for a new apartment or in a project where you worked in teams or a solo performance on a stage or an award for excellence in poetry or in a drama where you played the lead role or perhaps at church where you lead the worship session every week?
If you feel that your life is getting empty and devoid of purpose, please start from one of these activities that got you all warmed up and started.
Remember that genuine happiness stems from what you do that impacts lives/humanity.
When you do these things just to satisfy your innate urges ( like sexual yearning) then they are fleeting pleasures that won’t last at all.
-You need to protect yourself too. Rather than jumping into all sorts of activities and tasks in search of happiness and acceptance, you should not expose yourself to being taken advantage of.
There are always people out there who are primed to take advantage of anyone especially during their low moments.
These people thrive on taking advantage of moments when we are down and struggling to find meaning.
This is the time to be intentional about protecting your self until you are ready and prepared to venture into uncharted territories.
It is okay to feel down and out sometimes. We can’t always be happy every hour of the day and week. We will experience outages and flash backs and quiet moments that would torment us. It’s the way life is. But our choice to remain there is only ours to make.
No one else can choose for us.
If we choose to be happy then we must find happiness in the things we are passionate about and watch how we rise out of the ashes like a phoenix. The things we do to enhance our happiness is therefore key.
We are in pursuit of happiness, the choice to remain happy is ours alone to make.
Choose wisely
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6 thoughts on “In Pursuit of Happiness – Ain’t we all?”
I’m in pursuit of happiness. Like you said money won’t guarantee happiness. I tried it before and came out of it with depression. My true happiness comes from being with my loved ones and helping them become better human beings.
Money is unlikely to buy happiness, but it may help you achieve happiness to an extent. Look for purchases that will help you feel fulfilled.
To stay sad or happy the choice is indeed ours!!! Let’s it’s up to us to make a wise decision.
Thank you Duke!!!
I had to flash back to when I first experienced unstoppable happiness.
It was when i got an apartment of my own, the feeling of happiness was unexplainable . Thnking about it right now makes me smile .
How can we love and not get hurt ?
Happiness or sadness sometimes is all about choice but God over everything. Welldone boss
Got a new perspective that’s helping me in my pursuit of happiness. Good one Akin